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Mammograms

19 Nov

My mom forwarded this email to me and I couldn’t resist sharing it here.  Enjoy!

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there’s no need to worry.  By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test.  And, best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home!

EXERCISE ONE:

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door.

Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.

Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn’t effective enough.

EXERCISE TWO:

Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.

EXERCISE THREE:

Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist.

Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts.

Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!

Serious information regarding mammograms here.  They save lives!!  Have you had one yet??

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6 Comments

Posted by on November 19, 2008 in Jenna

 

6 responses to “Mammograms

  1. iMommy

    November 19, 2008 at 9:04 am

    It’s so important! My sister just had a lump checked, which she caught thanks to self-exams. (Turned out to be nothing, thank goodness!)

     
  2. Marinka

    November 19, 2008 at 9:34 am

    That’s funny. I’d read so many warnings about mammograms that when I finally had one, it wasn’t a big deal in terms of discomfort. Plus, I got to use my mammogram joke: “thanks for squeezing me in.”

     
  3. Sandra Foyt

    November 19, 2008 at 9:36 am

    Thanks! This will really motivate me to finally make that appointment, NOT! Seriously, it’s definitely on my To Do list.

     
  4. Alpaca Farmgirl

    November 19, 2008 at 9:57 am

    That is too funny. I haven’t had one yet. Marinka, thanks for the joke. I’ll be borrowing that one when I go.

     
  5. Maura

    November 19, 2008 at 1:53 pm

    I had my first one last year and it really wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be. I was going to go regardless because it is, as iMommy said, so important, but finding that it was just awkward more than painful was a relief.

    I’m totally using Marinka’s joke next time, though! 🙂

     
  6. psychmamma

    November 20, 2008 at 9:52 pm

    iMommy –

    Thanks for reiterating the importance factor. I hesitated to even post this, b/c I was afraid someone who’s never had it done might be scared off. I finally decided to share it since I haven’t had a mammogram yet, and it didn’t scare me off, and it was SO funny! I figure that we all know it’s no picnic, but neither are the annual GYN appointments, and we all know how important they are. We might as well laugh about it! 🙂

    Marinka –

    I love the joke too. Hopefully you’re OK with all of us stealing it without giving you credit. 😉

    Sandra –

    Definitely on the “to do” list – don’t skip it! (Me either). See Maura’s comment regarding the fact that it’s really not that bad. {wink}

    Alpaca Farmgirl –

    We’re all stealing that joke I think! The question is, will you be practicing with bookends and strangers??

    Maura –

    Thanks for the reassurance that it’s not so bad. I can do awkward better than I can do pain. 😉

     

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